After watching Joelle's TED talk and reading her book, it just hit me that most of my life, I wasn’t really taking responsibility. I was responsible in certain areas but in terms of health and actually wanting to live… not really. I trusted things (and people) were going to turn out how they did and I could only go with the flow.
Basically Come What May thinking. My disability and my environment kinda of reinforced that.
Doctors: nothing you do will make a difference… eat whatever you want and hope for a cure
Parents: make the best out of your current situation, you can't really hope for more.
Work: you did a great job… keep working hard (for the little that we give you).
And of course myself: I am disabled, things are hard, what exactly can I hope for? Why set high goals when it seems they will be unreachable, just try to make the best I can out perhaps just enjoy the life you have left…
Well the last part after the or and that thinking in general might be the cause of the downturn in health… I really like chocolate, meat, junk food…. Don't like exercising but hey… I didn't matter… there what the doctor said and you know do I really care when I do.. But then again that belief had to come from somewhere...
So seemed dying ASAP isn't such a bad idea because there's nothing in this world that I like… other than maybe some food and TV. Hence why I binge on both...
But after watching her and Martin Pistorius’ talks, something inside went off… can I actually do better than my current situation and were decisions I made correct or just heavily influenced by my environment?
Did I place my trust in the wrong people… maybe I should've just done what I did back in school…
If I want something done right, got to do it myself. Got to take responsibility… for my own life… all of it…
But now the question remains… is it too late? But I guess YOLO right?
Alright time to give it a shot!
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